Well I haven’t done a blog post in a while. Sometimes I feel like the public doesn’t really care that much. Or everyone can see me vent on facebook and twitter. But I feel like I needed to blog about something that required something else than just a vent on social media. So I decided that I needed to blog.
So for those of you who may or may not know this, I have been sober (yup, no alcohol) going on 6+ months. The reason is kinda personal and I haven’t really shared why and I still don’t intend to. It’s not that I don’t trust my 5,000 friends on facebook or the 4,000+ followers I have on twitter. It’s just I feel like somethings are better left kept to myself. As weird as that may sound.
So I just found out that one of my previous exes just got engaged last weekend. This is a guy who I had a previous relationship with back in high school and then we broke up after about 8 months. And then we somewhat rekindled back when I was in college but nothing really ever came of it. And I hadn’t talked to the guy again until just last year.
Does it suck when someone you care or used to care about gets engaged? Yes. But when you’re six months sober…how do you deal with that? I mean, I know I should be happy for my ex and his fiance’. I didn’t go running back into his arms. But sometimes I feel like I wanted to. Lord willing I probably wanted to about a million times.
The one thing I told myself was this: alcohol is not the solution. As much I wanted to crawl back to my demons, I knew I just couldn’t do it. So this is what I did instead: listened to music. I didn’t care what kind of music it was. I just sat back and listened. Because music is what helps me live every day. Every. Single. Day. That one song that I listen to could mean the difference between me not slipping back into depression and saving my life.
And I know that probably sounds a bit funny. But it’s true. Well… it’s true for me anyways.
Life has been different for me since I stopped drinking. But by no means have I not thought about it. Is it hard to look in the fridge and see it sitting right in front of me? Yes. But I don’t give in. Is it hard for me to deal with depression and think for one second that I could just rush downstairs and take a bottle of beer and just chug it? Yes.
But that’s why I know I have the friends who care about me enough to pull me back from it. The ones that are proud and tell me to “Always Keep Fighting.”
Until next time…Thank you to everyone who has helped me so far!